” We repeat what we don’t repair.”- John Gottman.
Although they don’t intend to, many married folks can fall into the trap of selfishness. They tend to focus on themselves and forget it takes two people to make a marriage work. Here are ten selfish actions that hurt your marriage, so avoid them if you want your marriage to stay strong and healthy.
Not Resolving Conflicts Together
It’s essential to resolve issues when they arise. Instead of avoiding or trying to solve the problem alone, work together and discuss potential solutions as a team. Giving your spouse the cold shoulder will not help you resolve problems.
Playing The Blame Game
Instead of blaming each other when things don’t go as planned, try to focus on finding solutions together. Learn from your mistakes and move on, rather than trying to point fingers. Slow down and take time to identify and own the mistakes you made as well.
Not Giving Enough Compliments
Compliments are a vital way to express love, so give your spouse plenty! Whether it’s about how attractive they are or something they did, let them know how much you appreciate them from time to time. Warm, sincere words will help your marriage stay connected.
Trying To Control Everything
Marriage isn’t about controlling your partner; it’s about understanding and compromising. Don’t be too rigid or try to micromanage everything your spouse does. Let them have their autonomy and opinions, even if they differ from yours.
Not Expressing Gratitude
It’s important to show your spouse that you appreciate them and all their efforts to make the marriage work. Make sure to express your gratitude whenever possible, be it verbally or through actions. Find one simple, meaningful thing about your spouse to be thankful for each day.
Making Assumptions Without Asking Questions
Don’t make assumptions about your spouse. It can lead to unnecessary arguments and resentment, so ask questions before jumping to conclusions. Accusations can damage the trust in your relationship, so be sure to find out the facts first.
Not Making Time For Physical Intimacy
Physical intimacy is an essential part of any marriage, so make sure you carve out some time for alone time. Even if you’re busy or tired, let your partner know that you still care about them enough to make time for it.
Not Having Enough Meaningful Conversations
Talking is the foundation of any strong marriage, so don’t forget to initiate meaningful conversations with your spouse. It’s a great way to stay connected and learn more about each other on a deeper level. Think of some light-hearted and curious questions to ask your partner to help your marriage connect in new ways.
Refusing To Apologize
If your actions have hurt your spouse, it’s important to own up to them and apologize. It shows that you care about their feelings and are willing to take responsibility for your mistakes. Admitting you were wrong can be uncomfortable, but a solid marriage is built on emotional maturity.
Thinking That You Are Always Right
It takes two people to make a marriage successful, so it’s important to remember that your spouse might have a better solution or idea than yours. It’s beneficial to listen to their ideas and understand their perspective before dismissing them.
A good marriage takes self-awareness and effort from both partners. Focus on building the emotional connection between you and your spouse to create a love that lasts a lifetime!
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This article written and syndicated by Midlife is Magical.
Melane Ann is a writer, blogger, and life coach. In 2020, she turned her experience in midlife divorce and creating a new life for herself into midlifeismagical. With a master's in Marriage and Family Therapy, Melane focuses on helping women over 50 navigate their relationships and commit to healthy aging. She and her new husband share 7 children between them. Melane jokes that she has a black belt in blended families! In addition to her writing, Melane works virtually with her coaching clients from her home office.