Let’s be honest; there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. But, some behaviors really should not be ignored. Pay attention to the following issues no matter what relationship you are in. No matter how much you love someone, some patterns are destructive. Ranging from challenging to abusive, the following reasons should be considered a red flag: at minimum, use caution before proceeding!
They Lack Communication Skills
Communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. If your partner struggles to express their thoughts and feelings, it could lead to misunderstandings and conflicts down the road. You should also be concerned if you feel like you have to walk on “eggshells” around your partner. Be aware if certain topics or phrases cause them to react with passive-aggressive behavior or withdraw their affection from you.
They Are Controlling
Relationships should be built on trust and mutual respect, not control and manipulation. If your partner constantly wants to dictate what you do or who you can see, it’s a major red flag. Love is not controlling. If your partner tries to control you, it is a dangerous core issue in your relationship. This includes passive-aggressive forms of control as well as things like unkind teasing, financial control, and mocking.
They Have Different Values
It’s important to share similar values with your partner in areas such as religion, family, and future goals. If you have drastically different beliefs and priorities, it could create friction in the relationship. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that different spiritual, cultural, or ethical beliefs won’t impact your marriage; they will. Research shows that marriages have an increased level of conflict about religious differences once children arrive.
They Are Financially Irresponsible
Money can be a major source of stress in a marriage, so it’s important to be on the same page when it comes to financial habits and goals. If your partner is constantly overspending or has a lot of debt, it could cause strain on the relationship. Pay attention to your partner’s financial life goals and dreams; do they align with yours? If you are a financial mismatch, don’t assume that it will all work out once you get married. Money issues are often the core reason for couples to divorce.
They Struggle With Addiction
Substance abuse or other forms of addiction can be detrimental to a marriage. If your romantic partner is dealing with addiction, pump the brakes on marriage! You are not a bad person if you choose to end the relationship due to addiction issues. Frankly, ending a relationship over substance abuse might be the most loving thing you can do. You can support their recovery as a friend, staying free from the entanglements of addiction.
They Are Not Willing to Compromise
Compromise is a crucial aspect of any successful relationship. If your partner is not willing to meet you halfway and always wants things their way, it could create constant conflicts in the marriage. Should a dog person marry a cat person? Don’t fool yourself into thinking that your future spouse will suddenly love your pet pot-bellied pig; it might just be the thing that causes the most arguments in your marriage!
They Have Anger Management Issues
Constant arguments and emotional outbursts can create a toxic environment in a marriage. If your partner struggles with controlling their temper, it’s important to address it before taking the next step. After marriage, life tends to get more complicated. If your romantic partner has a short fuse, make sure you see a couples therapist before making it legal.
They Have A History Of Abuse
Abuse of any type is wrong. Physical, emotional, or verbal abuse is never acceptable in a relationship. If your partner has a history of abusive behavior, it’s important to seek help and not enter into a marriage with them. He will not stop hitting you if you marry him. She will not stop screaming at you if you put a ring on her finger. Abuse is a deal breaker.
They Are Constantly Negative
Negativity can be draining and toxic in any relationship. If your partner is always pessimistic and brings down your mood, it can be a major strain on the marriage. Imagine listening to your spouse complain for the next 50 years. Do you feel exhausted yet? Some people don’t understand that constant complaining kills sexy vibes. Try talking to your romantic partner about their tendency to fall into negativity before you get married.
They Are Not Supportive of Your Goals and Dreams
A supportive partner is essential for personal growth and happiness. If your partner constantly puts down your dreams or discourages you from pursuing them, it could create resentment and hinder your success. Excessive teasing or complaining about your pursuit of self-development might mean your partner is struggling with low self-esteem.
You Have Doubts and Second Thoughts About This Person
If you have a nagging feeling that your partner isn’t right for you, don’t ignore it. Your intuition is often right. If you have serious doubts or second thoughts about marrying someone, it’s important to take a step back and evaluate the relationship before making such a big commitment.
You already know that marriage is a serious commitment. The person you choose to marry will affect your life in every way. Finances, parenting, self-development, education, and physical health are all impacted by your spouse. If you see any of these warning signs in your relationship, it’s important to address them and begin to have open and honest discussions with your partner before deciding to get married. Red flag behavior is serious and can ultimately lead to an unhappy marriage. It’s important to remember that you deserve to be in a happy and healthy relationship. Don’t settle for anything less.
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Melane Ann is a writer, blogger, and life coach. In 2020, she turned her experience in midlife divorce and creating a new life for herself into midlifeismagical. With a master's in Marriage and Family Therapy, Melane focuses on helping women over 50 navigate their relationships and commit to healthy aging. She and her new husband share 7 children between them. Melane jokes that she has a black belt in blended families! In addition to her writing, Melane works virtually with her coaching clients from her home office.